The Ticket Inspector
Scene A compartment on a train
Characters A passenger on a train
A ticket inspector
A steward and a waiter
The passenger is sitting in a compartment on a train. He is reading a
newspaper. The steward opens the door.
Steward Coffee!
Passenger No, thanks.
The passenger closes the door, and continues reading. The waiter opens the
door.
Waiter Seats for dinner!
Passenger No, thanks.
The passengers closes the door again, and continues reading. The ticket inspector
opens the door.
Inspector Tickets!
Passenger No, thanks.
Inspector Pardon?
Passenger I don't want a ticket, thank
you.
Inspector I'm not selling a ticket, thank
you, sir.
Passenger No?
Inspector No, I want to see your ticket.
Passenger Oh, I haven't got a ticket.
Inspector You haven't got a ticket?
Passenger No. I never buy a ticket.
Inspector Why not?
Passenger Well, they are very expensive,
you know.
Inspector Sir, you're travelling on a train.
When people travel on a train, they always buy a ticket.
Passenger Er -
Inspector And this is a first-class compartment.
Passenger Yes, it is very nice, isn't it?
Inspector No, sir. I mean: This is a first-class
compartment. When people travel in a first-class compartment, they always buy
a first-class ticket.
They look at each other for a moment.
Passenger No, they don't.
Inspector What?
Passenger A lot of people buy tickets.
The Queen doesn't buy a ticket, does she? Eh? Eh?
Inspector No, sir, but she's a famous person.
Passenger And what about you? Where's yours?
Inspector Mine?
Passenger Yes, yours. Your ticket. Have
you got a ticket?
Inspector Me, sir?
Passenger Yes, you.
Inspector No, I haven't got a ticket.
Passenger Ooh - are you a famous person?
Inspector (Flattered) Famous? Well, not
very - (Back to normal) Sir, I am a ticket inspector. I inspect ticket.
Passenger I see.
The ticket inspector puts his hand into his pocket.
Passenger What are you going to do?
Inspector I'm going to write your name
in my book.
Passenger Oh.
Inspector What is your name, sir?
Passenger Mickey Mouse.
The inspector begin to write.
Inspector Mickey -
Passenger Mouse. M-O-U-S-E.
The inspector stops writing.
Inspector Your name, sir?
Passenger Eason Chan, Nicolas Tse, Tung
Chee Hwa..
Inspector I see, sir. Well, if you're not
going to tell me your name, please leave the train.
Passenger Pardon?
Inspector Leave the train.
Passenger I can't.
Inspector You can't what?
Passenger I can't leave the train.
Inspector Why not?
Passenger It's moving.
Inspector Not now, sir. At the next station.
Passenger Oh.
Inspector It's in the book, sir. When you
travel by train, you buy a ticket, and if you don't buy a ticket, you -
Passenger leave the train.
Inspector leave the train.
Inspector Here we are, sir. We're coming
to a station. Please leave the train now.
Passenger Now?
Inspector Yes, sir. I'm sorry, but -
Passenger Oh, that's O.K.
Inspector - it's in the book, and - What
did you say?
Passenger I said: 'That's O.K.'
Inspector O.K.?
Passenger Yes, this is my station. Goodbye.
The passenger leaves the train.
The end
