When Sickness Is Called Sin

Discovering the Truth About Mental Illness

Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX—Imagine a woman crawling down the aisle of your church, her legs clearly broken and dragging painfully behind her.  Her eyes scan the congregation, desperately searching for someone who will help her.  Upon reaching the altar, she is counseled…to stop sinning and pray more.  A scene like this is almost incomprehensible.  But what if the illness was not so easily identifiable at first glance?

Statistically, one in four adults in America will suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder this year—conditions ranging from depression to schizophrenia.  And when those people look for help in their local church community, this is the advice many will receive.  In his new book, Grace for the Afflicted: A Clinical and Biblical Perspective on Mental Illness, author Dr. Matthew Stanford advocates a far different response, presenting both the scientific evidence and the biblical truths that should shape the Christian view of mental illness.

As both a church leader and a professor of psychology and neuroscience, Dr. Stanford has seen far too many mentally ill brothers and sisters damaged by well-meaning believers who respond to them out of fear or misinformation rather than out of grace.  “Mental health research and practice have made significant strides in relieving the mental and physical suffering of those afflicted with mental illness,” he states.  “Yet there continues to be a high level of suspicion, distrust, and even fear in the church when it comes to psychology and psychiatry.  The simple fact is that Christians develop mental illness at the same rates seen in the general population, and the tendency to equate the condition with demonic possession, weak faith, and generational sin has been inadequate to deal with the problem.”

Grace for the Afflicted takes on several hot topics including the role of psychology and psychiatry in the life of the believer, the use of prescription drugs treatments, and the root causes of common mental disorders.  Describing each disorder, Dr. Stanford asks, “What does science say and what does the Bible say about this illness?”  Mental illnesses addressed in the book include:

·         Depression

·         Bipolar Disorder

·         Schizophrenia

·         Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder

·         Eating Disorders

·         Substance Use Disorders

As evidenced by the book’s logical and user-friendly format, it was created as a resource for pastors and those in the church who really want to understand and help those suffering from mental illness.  Dr. Stanford presents the clinical facts with the clarity one would expect from a man of his training, but readers may be surprised by the obvious tenderness and compassion he expresses for the mentally ill individuals he works with every day—many of whose stories are included in the book.  “These are wounded people with damaged lives—precious children of God whom we have been called to love and whose burdens we have been called to carry,” he states.

Grace for the Afflicted by Matthew S. Stanford, PhD

Paternoster Publishing - September 2008

ISBN#:  978-1-934068-44-1/261 pages/softcover/$19.99

www.paternosterpublishing.com

Click Here to listen to another great interview from B&B:  http://www.ureadbooks.com/

And that's the key to the paradox of effort: While luck may be more appealing than effort, you don't get to choose luck. Effort, on the other hand, is totally available, all the time.

This is a hard sell. Diet books that say, "eat less, exercise more," may work, but they don't sell many copies.

With that forewarning, here's a bootstrapper's/marketer's/entrepreneur's/fast-rising executive's effort diet. Go through the list and decide whether or not it's worth it. Or make up your own diet. Effort is a choice, at least make it on purpose:

1. Delete 120 minutes a day of 'spare time' from your life. This can include TV, reading the newspaper, commuting, wasting time in social networks and meetings. Up to you.

2. Spend the 120 minutes doing this instead:

• Exercise for thirty minutes.
• Read relevant non-fiction (trade magazines, journals, business books, blogs, etc.)
• Send three thank you notes.
• Learn new digital techniques (spreadsheet macros, Firefox shortcuts, productivity tools, graphic design, html coding)
• Volunteer.
• Blog for five minutes about something you learned.
• Give a speech once a month about something you don't currently know a lot about.

3. Spend at least one weekend day doing absolutely nothing but being with people you love.

4. Only spend money, for one year, on things you absolutely need to get by. Save the rest, relentlessly.

If you somehow pulled this off, then six months from now, you would be the fittest, best rested, most intelligent, best funded and motivated person in your office or your field. You would know how to do things other people don't, you'd have a wider network and you'd be more focused.

It's entirely possible that this won't be sufficient, and you will continue to need better luck. But it's a lot more likely you'll get lucky, I bet.

Get to vs. have to

The Mechanism of emotion

(see Appendix 5 for scientific definitions) Emotions can come and go in a matter of seconds or minutes, but a mood can last a whole day. Moods are produced by internal changes that do not relate to what is happening outside (moods can also occur from a dense emotional experience). The minds reasoning power via the frontal lobes can control the emotional state, unless the mind body is overwhelmed by the chemicals of emotion.

An emotional stimulus, e.g. an angry face, becomes a signal which is sent from our visual cortex to the limbic system. The amygdala acts as a tagging system for information coming directly into our senses - this also involves consultation with our memory banks of the hippocampus, thus events are tagged with an emotional value. This process can operate entirely out of our consciousness, i.e. in our unconscious mind. The assigned emotional value then allows us to assess the event and to react accordingly. As part of a loop between the amygdala and the hypothalamus, signals are sent on to the body. The hypothalamus also sends signals to the pituitary, the master gland of the body. Hormonal secretions from the pituitary gland, quickly direct the heart rate, blood pressure, levels of tension in the muscles, alertness. This level of alertness is then fed back into the hypothalamus which then signals to the higher cortex, which then concludes the meaning. (Goleman2004)

Changing a belief will also change the emotional response. Like many teachers I have to deal with difficult pupils. After taking a course in 'Managing Difficult Behaviour' I came up with the following metaphor:

I am like two long arms (the flippers of a pinball machine). Pupils come into school and their journey through school is certain, they enter and years later they leave. Some will walk a straight line and others will ping back and forth as I and others nudge them back on track.

The effect of this has been to lower my stress levels and not to take their antics personally, i.e. changing the belief has altered my behaviour. Metaphors and especially those told as stories are a powerful way to initiate the possibility of change as the unconscious mind thinks in visual metaphors ( Lawley and Tompkins 2000)

The idea is that with emotions where the mind is not overwhelmed, reasoning can help the person understand what is going on and to take appropriate action. In my experience where a child has only the word anger or upset they tend to lash out rather than being able to negotiate through an emotional problem.

Another method from NLP is that any upset is due to one of three things:

An expectation not met, a thwarted intent, or a communication not met (either by being misunderstood or by not expressing verbally what they need to. (Elson 2003)

Framing and asking the questions for an upset need the person to ask themselves the question to solve their own problem and initial training and reinforcement would help install them in the mind.

A technique that I use is to thank the feeling or emotion and ask for the positive intent behind it. This works and brings up some interesting insights, e.g. I was marking a set of year 10 books rather slowly and so I used my technique. I discovered that I felt and behaved the way I did because I was upset that they were not fulfilling their potential and that there was too much to annotate. Without emotions, marking for me would be so much simpler!

Frontal Lobes 'Turned Off', Limbic System 'Turned On' Mode.

If the Limbic survival emotions become too active (i.e. the Limbic 'full on' mode) the Frontal Lobes become totally inhibited by these strong survival emotions, and the brain goes into Frontal Lobe 'shut down', so that thinking does not interfere with your survival reactions. In this Limbic 'full on' and Frontal Lobe 'shut down'. This ensures that thinking does not interfere with your survival reactions. As there are no longer any creative, solution-oriented functions available, you now react out of the Limbic survival emotions of fear, anxiety or anger.

To continue the car analogy further, it is like now having one foot on the gas pedal, while the other foot is jammed on the brake pedal, causing you to grind to a standstill as the engine 'fights' with the brakes for control. While this diverts all of your energy to deal with the perceived 'problem', it is bought at the cost of increased levels of stress, release of hormones like cortisol and adrenalin and increased sympathetic nervous activity. In addition, there is now considerable conscious effort required. Taking all of these factors together, this constitutes overt physiological, emotional and mental stress.

Exercise is the natural anti-depressant. It is a simple truth, yet few people give it the weight it deserves. It has been my saving grace for years. I’ve ventured to and from not-so-natural prescriptions, but nothing instills a punch of happiness like a great workout.

I am training for a marathon so I knew I’d be utilizing the natural drug even more regularly than in the past, but wondered how well it would work. It could be enough for those prone to devilish mood swings, I supposed, but how about those with true chemical disproportion? I went digging:

“A recent placebo-controlled study conducted by James Blumenthal, professor of psychology at Duke University and published in the September issue of the journal Psychosomatic Medicine compared exercise to a common antidepressant medication in a group of individuals diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and found that exercise was as effective as the drug at alleviating symptoms of the disorder.”

And, The Archives of Internal Medicine, found that “regular exercise was almost as effective as medication in reducing symptoms of depression.

In the study, 156 patients diagnosed with major depressive disorder were divided into three groups in order to study the impact that exercise might have on depression”:

Group 1. Just did exercise: 60.4% of the group were no longer depressed after 16 weeks
Group 2. Just used medication: 65.5% were no longer depressed after 16 weeks.
Group 3. Used a combination of medication and exercise: 68.8% of the group were no longer depressed after 16 weeks.

But I didn’t need that stuff to prove it. Most people don’t give exercise the effort or clout it deserves. It’s a lot harder than taking a pill, but it gives you only high serotonin levels but discipline and strength. You may never be a great athlete but accomplishing a physically challenging goal – like running a marathon – or a mile – can make you feel on top of the world.

Anti-depressants are overused and overrated for most people (not all). The second time I got a prescription, I just asked. The doctor didn’t even question me and I barely knew him. Before you take the dive into pill-land, try waking up at 6am and braving the wind in your face. It’ll suck. But, as I’ve seen on Marine Corps shirts — Pain is just weakness leaving your body. And in this case, happiness coming in.

he Clarity of a Heart Attack
by Dr. Keith E. Webb
August 2008

You've heard it too, reflections from a person who had a near-death experience.

It goes like this: A person working too much and consumed with life has a heart attack or a serious car accident or cancer - something sudden and life threatening. This person is suddenly taken out of his or her normal patterns of life and thrown into a period of recovery, on a hospital bed or on the sofa at home for a few weeks or months.

What do they do? They reflect - on life, on family, on achievements, and most significantly, on regrets and unfulfilled dreams.

Many come away changed. They make life-correcting decisions on how they spend their time, who they invest in, what's important in their lives. Things like:

• Fall in love with my wife again.
  
• Become my teenager's friend, as well as her mother.
  
• Do a job that I'm passionate about.
  
• Have more fun.
  
• Develop my spiritual being.
  
• Be there for my kids.
  
• Invest in others.

In a strange way, I envy these people. I envy their clarity and their ability to make dramatic changes in the trajectory of their lives.

Change While You're Healthy

We don't have to wait for a heart attack to make changes! You can reflect and make changes to your life right now.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. How do you evaluate your life up to this point? What are you pleased with? What do you regret? What dreams are yet unfulfilled?
   
2. What areas of your life need "a dramatic change in trajectory"?
   
3. How do you want to invest your time differently?

Actually making big life changes isn't easy. Meeting regularly with a couple of friends or coach can help the process.

Are you waiting for your heart attack to make significant life changes?

Steven Thomas, the 36-year-old software millionaire whose body was found below Pali Lookout on Sunday, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a condition when people alternate from feeling very depressed to feeling euphoric.  People who suffer from it can lead productive lives, but if untreated, it can lead to tragedy.

It can afflict anyone, regardless of race, gender, or income.

"Bipolar disorder really doesn't discriminate," said Dr. Martin Johnson, a Honolulu psychologist. "People can be very wealthy, very brilliantly intelligent."

Like Thomas, whose was found dead this past weekend by several hikers.

Bipolar disorder affects people's moods, taking them through a cycle of feeling very sad, and then very happy.  It can go to extremes.

"In some cases when it gets severe, manic phase will take on a sense of grandiosity, where they believe they're the next coming of God or they have super powers or only they can save the earth; these sort of bizarre ideation," said Dr. Johnson.

About 15 percent of those who suffer from bipolar disorder commit suicide, a leading cause of death on the islands.

"More people die of suicide in the state of Hawaii every year than die of homicide," said Dr. Johnson. "More people die of suicide than motor vehicle accidents."

And bipolar disorder is hereditary.  A child has a one in five chance of inheriting a parent's bipolar disorder.  So early diagnosis and treatment can prevent tragedies.

"It's important to encourage that person to get help because help is available," said Dr. Johnson.

Mental treatment is covered by most medical insurance.  For more information, go to the Hawaii Psychological Association link on this page or call 521-8995.

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"I'm bipolar, but being bipolar is not a license to abuse your loved one. It doesn't matter whether the illness is responsible for the behavior or not. Bottom line - no one should have to put up with outrageous behavior."

Okay, so we have the bottom line when it comes to a loved one of a bipolar, but what is the flip side? What is the bottom line if a bipolar wants to enter a relationship? Well, a bipolar shouldn't have to put up with outrageous behavior from his or her partner, either. But something else enters into play as well.

Even in well states, many of us experience and express a range of emotions that are likely to take our partners by surprise. They may react with humored bemusement, or they may let loose with outright hostility. The tables have been turned. We're the one walking on eggshells. We're the ones who are emotionally unsafe.

This is no abstract conversation with me. I left a marriage nine months ago. I am now emotionally ready to start considering the possibility of getting into a relationship. So, here I am, bipolar. What's my bottom line?

Once you have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder your medical provider will instantly give you medications for treatment. You will also be provided with a plan to help treat your disorder that is based on:

1. Medication
2. Talk Therapy
3. Education

The medications will probably be used for the rest of your life. You should also utilize talk therapy. When you are under talk therapy, you will get more than just advice and answers.

You will begin to learn a great deal about yourself, you will get information, honest feedback and support. There are different types of talk therapy, you can choose to talk to a group or you can choose to utilize a one-on-one setting.

Talk therapy is a very important part of the treatment for bipolar disorder and if you are going to be talking why not chat with others who are going through the same thing as you in a bipolar disorder chat room.

Around 2.6% of people in the world are affected by bipolar disorder. In fact, in the United States alone, there are over 5 million people that are dealing with bipolar disorder. And the worst part is that 79% of them are not even aware that they have this disorder.

And out of the ones that do know, most won’t seek treatment because they are embarrassed and ashamed of their condition. But this should not be the case, nobody should have to be ashamed of this disorder.

8 Myths About Bipolar Disorder

Because of increased awareness and diagnosis, more people than ever before have a basic understanding of bipolar disorder, the condition formally known as manic depression.

Yet myths persist about this mental disorder that causes mood shifts from depression to mania and affects a person's energy and ability to function.

WebMD asked five bipolar disorder experts to help unravel what's myth and what's fact. Read on for the eight common myths about bipolar they often hear from patients and the public.

Those with bipolar disorder face a basic decision: Tell the boss about the condition or remain silent.

Under the Americans with Disabilities Act, a person with a disability is not required to disclose it unless seeking an accommodation at work.

The depressive phase of bipolar disorder remains a treatment challenge. Although commonly used antidepressants relieve symptoms of bipolar depression, there is a risk of an "antidepressant-induced" mania where, secondary to the pharmacological treatment, symptoms will switch from depressive to manic. The antidepressant, bupropion, has shown promising results for the treatment of bipolar depression, and trials are currently being conducted with lamortigine, a new anticonvulsant.

Psychotherapy remains an important treatment modality of bipolar disorder. Patients with bipolar disorder need to address issues related to suffering from a chronic illness which disrupts family life, work or school. Issues of noncompliance need to be addressed. Some patients may discontinue their medications in order to enjoy the "high" of manic episodes. Education about the condition is essential and should include the patient's family. At times the individual suffering from mania is not aware of emerging symptoms. The family becomes an important ally in the objective description of the course of an episode, leading to early intervention.

• Sadness
• Feelings of hopelessness
• Loss of pleasure or interest in activities
• Low motivation
• Feeling worthless
• Feelings of guilt
• Crying easily
• Sleeping too little or too much
• Loss of appetite or overeating
• Low energy
• Difficulty concentrating
• Irritability

As for "what now", well, I wouldn't presume to tell you just what to do, but there are some general guidelines that might apply to you given your experience so far as you relate it here.  They are my two most basic principles of bipolar med' management:

#1.  Rely on mood stabilizers.  In your case this means keep sampling around the mood stabilizer family.  There are now at least 5 clearly recognized med's in this group: lithium, Depakote, carbamazepine (Carbatrol, Tegretol), lamotrigine and topiramate.  Only the last is still just a little uncertain.  That leaves you four "for-sure's".  Try them all at doses you can tolerate, and try mixing at least 3 together if that's what it takes for symptom control (assuming, you see, that the low-dose strategy, defined by what you can tolerate without too much in the way of side effects, keeps you from really having trouble with med's despite their number).

#2.  Watch out for antidepressants.  Basically the only time I feel comfortable using an antidepressant anymore, in people with clear bipolar disorder, is if they have a pure depression.  That means sleeping 10-14 hours a day -- no insomnia allowed, that's a hypomanic symptom.  It means no energy/anxiety symptoms -- only fatigue, listlessness, low energy, low motivation.  I find this "pure" form pretty rare, anymore.  Most of my patients, anyway, have mixed states -- and that' precisely where to watch out for antidepressants.  If I use them at all, it's very low doses, and start the taper off almost as soon as some response appears; only if the person repeatedly becomes depressed doing that would I consider staying on the antidepressant.

From Dr. Wes Burgess' book The Bipolar Handbook - page 9

Bipolar disorder causes problems in keeping thoughts in or out of the conscious mind, a process I refer to as gating. Imagine that the conscious mind is a full house that can only hold five to nine thoughts at any one time. If the mind is occupied... whenever the gate lets in an unwanted thought it pushes one of the existing thoughts out... it becomes difficult to keep unwanted thoughts out or hold relevant thoughts in the conscious mind... people with bipolar disorder very vulnerable to distractions, strong emotions, and obsessive thinking. Over time, this deficit can lead to memory problems, difficulty concentrating, difficulty following conversations, a tendency to interrupt others when they are speaking, and a tendency to deviate from the point of conversation.

My friend is feeling better now. She gets a little psychotherapy, geared toward living with her illness, but the main part of her treatment is chemical. She's free of symptoms, though finding the right drug and dosage took some time, and she's beginning to think once again of family, future, a new career. Her doctor says to take it slow, as a victim of a heart attack would, but she's impatient. As she sees it, more than a year was stolen from the prime of her life.

Although she sometimes feels she has been singled out for this devastating ordeal, statistics suggest otherwise. Some form of so-called major affective disorder afflicts at least

10 million to 14 million Americans. A third, like my friend, havebipolar disorder. The other two-thirds have a so- called major depressive disorder; when their bouts of melancholy are frequent, their illness is often called unipolar depression (see box, page 75). Scientists at the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) estimate that, with appropriate treatment, between 80 and 90 per cent of all victims can be helped substantially, and that with specialists' attention many of the remaining ones can improve.

What are some things I can do that might help me feel better?

Know the difference between your symptoms and your true self. Your HCPs can help you separate your true identity from your symptoms by helping you see how your illness affects your behavior. Be open about behaviors you want to change and set goals for making those changes.

Educate your family and involve them in treatment when possible.  They can help you spot symptoms, track behaviors and gain perspective.  They can also give encouraging feedback and help you make a plan to cope with any future crises.

Work on healthy lifestyle choices.  Recovery is also about a healthy lifestyle, which includes regular sleep, healthy eating, and the avoidance of alcohol, drugs, and risky behavior.

Find the treatment that works for you.  Talk to your HCP about your medications' effects on you, especially the side effects that bother you. Remember to chart these effects so that you can discuss them fully with your HCP.   You might need to take a lower dosage, a higher dosage, or a different medication.  You might need to switch your medication time from morning to evening or take medication on a full stomach.  There are many options for you and your HCP to try.  Side effects can be reduced or eliminated.  It is very important to talk to your HCP first before you make any changes to your medication or schedule.

Four Meditative Steps to Attend to Our Heart

Rather than battle anxiety and depression in the head, we recommend a four-step meditative strategy to deal with it in the heart. This strategy is a life-enhancing form of meditation all through life with or without anxiety/depression, but it is especially useful to form it as a habit during a season of mental suffering.

Step 1: When obsessing on an anxious thought or stressful feeling, freeze-frame it. Take a time out. If you have an anxious thought or stressful feeling right now, recognize it, and bring it before your mind. Suppose it is the fear of financial ruin. As this thought and its associated emotion run over and over again in your awareness, freeze it, that is, stop your mental engine from running over and over again, and like stopping a film projector, stop in mid-thought and freeze it. Step one helps a person to obey the biblical injunction to cease striving and stop fretting (see Psalm 46:10, Phil 4:6).

Step 2: With all your might, shift your focus away from your racing mind or troublesome emotions and focus the center of your attention on your physical heart muscle. Attend to the center of your chest where your heart is and stay there for about 10-15 seconds. The goal is to feel the area around your heart. There are two ways to help you in this. First, pretend you are breathing in and out of your heart muscle.

Second, try to “feel” and attend to the front surface of your physical heart, then the back surface, followed by the right then the left side of your heart. When first learning to practice this meditative activity and form it as a habit, you should take as long as necessary to focus on the heart area. At this point you may feel little emotion there or you may get in touch with a feeling of embarrassment, fear, grief, sadness, loneliness, helplessness, hurt or some other anxiety producer. Step 2 is an aid in internalizing Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” Rather than mulling things over and over again in your mind and trying to solve your worries in the head, turn to the core of your inner life, your heart, and learn to trust God there. Step 2 is a way to practice not leaning on your own understanding. Step three is a way of learning to trust God in the heart.

Step 3: Using the acrostic CFAN, recall a memory emotion associated with the relevant memory and let that emotion dwell and dominate the heart area. With your attention on your physical heart area, you want to bring a new positive emotion, a healthy intuitive awareness to dwell there and replace the feelings already there from the worrisome thought you have frozen. To do this, you want to meditate on something positive in order to recall a memory emotion that is positive. CFAN stands for Compassion, Forgiveness, Appreciation and Non-judgmentalism. You want to recall a specific occasion that you can picture in which you either gave or received compassion/love, forgiveness/removal of guilt feelings, appreciation/joy, being non-judgmental/accepting.

The important thing is not to do all four of these, but to pick one of these that is most effective for you and constantly return there. For example, recall a time when you gave real love to God, a friend or family member or received the feeling of love from God or someone important to you. Recall a time when your gave appreciation to someone—a special time of worship when your really felt God was there or a time when you gave heartfelt praise and adoration to someone—or a time when you drank in appreciation from the taste of coffee to a spectacular answer to prayer or an endearing biblical truth. And so on. The goal here is not simply to recall the relevant incident, but more importantly, to have the associated emotion fill and remain in your heart area.

Step 4: While holding this emotion in your physical heart area, return to the anxious thought and melt it piece by piece into the heart area and, with full sincerity, ask your heart “Next time, what would be a less stressful, less anxious, more effective response to this thought and the situation to which it refers?” Listen to the heart area for an answer. The goal of step 4 is to so trust in the Lord with your whole heart, that you form the habit of responding there to a worry with compassion, forgiveness, appreciation and a non-judgmental attitude towards yourself or others.

By breaking the worrisome thing down into pieces and melting it into the heart, we mean this. Take the thought, for example, that I am going to be ruined financially, break it down to its parts (my children will be embarrassed at school by their clothes, I will be out of a job, my family will look down on me), and by taking that part to the heart area, you allow the anxious thought (I will be out of a job) to be overwhelmed by and newly associated with a positive emotion and not negative ones. If done at various times each day, a habit will be formed that will allow you to come to set the thought aside and not be stuck on it. In the process of setting the thought aside, it will allow you to be able to entertain it without being overwhelmed by negative emotions. You can literally learn to have the thought while feeling, say, joy and compassion.

Now, while your heart is not a second person from you, we all talk to ourselves throughout the day. Indeed, our self-talk is an important aspect of a healthy or dysfunctional Christian life. So as a part of step 4, you want to ask your physical heart area (literally address the area of emotion surrounding the heart) about a better way to respond, and look for a mild intuitive insight that comes from the heart area. Generally, the insight will not shout at you; it will be a soft, mild thought or feeling that can be easily overlooked if you are not attending to the heart area.

Depression and anxiety do things to us sermon writers. (These may apply in other areas as well, but I'm talking about getting back into preaching here.) Here's some of them from depression:

• It utterly taps your energy. Sermons, if they are done properly, are a lot of work. It is a craft, learned in the school of experience. They are some combination between poetry, prose, persuasive speaking, the way a father speaks to his children, and who knows what else. But if you don't have the juice to get up in the morning, your run-of-the-mill sermon becomes a mountain looking down at you and laughing.
• You come to believe everyone is judging you. My sermons aren't what they used to be. I'm just not my old self. Why don't I have the fire of my youth?
• Giving is almost impossible. Depression creates such a blanket and such a darkeness that the act of actually giving to someone else (in the sense of preaching the Gospel) is like a trying to cut your leg off and give it to someone. It is physically painful at times. I'm going to write about this more, because most people don't realize that depression isn't simply mental. It is very physical.
  

• Makes you afraid of other people or situations of stress. While for those pastors who are truly comfortable in the chancel and the pulpit, this may not be so much. But for others, standing in front of 200 people is terrifying.
• You become afraid you're going to have a heart attack or something to that effect. Heart racing, mind running a million miles a second (and in suuupppeeerrr sllllooooowwww moooottiiioonnn at the same time due to depression), and you might just pass out from the whole thing.
• You get a gargantuan desire to simply run away and hide. Not deal with it, people, the situation, whatever. Flee! Run to the hills! Anywhere but there. I have often described anxiety as basically a phobia about everything. Hard to live with, especially while preaching.

1. Don't think of this process as a failure you have to live with forever. God heals in His own time and at His own pace. You are not a failure because you're sick and can't preach. The fact that you have some desire to get at it again (which may take months or even years to get to that point) is a sign of healing. It will take time, but God, your church, your family, and everyone want you back. You are not a failure.
2. Start off by using a recycled sermon, but one that is YOURS. I know this isn't the same as getting things flowing all the way, but it can help you build up confidence to get back into the oratorical saddle.
3. Try short spurts of work on the sermon. This is hard for me, because I usually sit down and write a sermon in one fell swoop. But it may require rethinking that process. You may not be able to concentrate for that long in one stretch. That's okay. Things can change. It may take longer for things to percolate. Think of it as a fine wine, rather than an automatic drip coffeemaker.
4. Pray. Short and sweet if that's all you've got. Kyrie eleison. They are the Lord's Words, not yours. He will be there for you.

Make a log with six categories, perhaps using the Excel program on your computer (or a ruler and paper if you don't have access to a computer). In that log, make a calendar with room for:

1. The date and time (usually a date for every day of the month, divided into hourly categories).

2. Your mood change.

3. Externals (who was there, what was going on, where the mood change took place, and other unusual circumstances).

4. Internal thoughts (what your thoughts, fantasies, and memories were at the time).

5. What you think a well-adjusted person would feel in the same circumstances.

6. Mood/feeling agreement (assign a rating of 1-10, describing how well your mood corresponded to feelings you picture a well-adjusted person having under the circumstances).

Setting Goals

Identifying life goals is the heart of the recovery process.  When we see a future for ourselves, we begin to become motivated to do all we can to reach that future.  Goals can be big or small, depending on where you are in your recovery journey.

Ask yourself:

• What motivates me?
• What interests me?
• What would I do more if I could?
• What do I want?
• What do I care about, or what did I care about before my illness?
• Where do I want my life to go?
• What brings me joy?
• What are my dreams and hopes?

It can help to start small and work up to larger goals.  You might want to begin by setting one small goal for yourself at the beginning of each day.  As you move forward with your recovery, look at the different areas of your life and think about your short and long term goals.

Short term goals might include:

• Be out of bed by xx:00 am.
• Finish one household chore.
• Call a DBSA support group.

Long term goals might include:

• Get training or experience for a job.
• Change a living situation, e.g., find an apartment
• Build a relationship with a friend or family member.

Remember break your goals down into small steps at first.  Looking at a goal such as 'move to a new city' can be difficult to visualize and plan all at once.  Ask yourself what you need to do first.  What can you do now that will help you eventually reach this goal?  Not only will this help move you closer to your goal, but it will also help give you a positive feeling of accomplishment.

Ten Steps to Accomplishing a Depression Recovery Goal

1. State as clearly as possible in a positive manner what it is that you want to create in your life.
2. Be clear why you want this and how your life will be different once you achieve this goal.
3. Understand what you have going for you to help you achieve this goal.
4. Understand the challenges that exist.
5. Be especially aware of the negative self-talk that sabotages and undermines your attempts to succeed.
6. Be clear about what you need to achieve this goal in terms of skills, resources, support systems, etc.
7. List the 3-5 major actions that you need to take to start moving toward this goal.
8. Think of ways to care for yourself as you work to achieve this goal.
9. Stay focused on what you want to create, not on the difficulties you might be having.
10. Be easy on yourself!  Have fun!  Enjoy the journey!

Source: Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

The magazine, titled bp, is written for the almost 3 million Americans who are diagnosed with bipolar disorder, characterized by mood swings from mania to deep depression.

Accepting Bipolar

I have accepted at this point that there is currently no cure for Bipolar Disorder. But there is also no cure for diabetes, high blood pressure or cancer! People with these ailments have to take medication to cope, Diabetics don't take insulin to be cured; they take it to survive longer. And that's what we "bipolars" have to do. Find whatever it is in your life that gives you the will to survive, and once you find the right medication, you can take your life back, too.

After all, isn't that why we're all mad? We're pissed off that this "monster" called bipolar has taken over our lives, and unfortunately we take our anger out on the ones that we love. Why? Because we can, and we know that they're going to love us anyway. Does that make it right? Of course not. But it does help those around us understand a little bit better, and understanding and knowing is bliss.

Finding What Works (and Finding Work!)

I believe that the most important key to living a successful life with Bipolar Disorder is a positive attitude. I know that there is no cure for Bipolar and that I will have to live with it my entire life. I was (and still am) so disgusted by the "statistics" that are given about those with Bipolar. The more I researched and learned about Bipolar Disorder, the more frightened I became of ending up a statistic; with no job, no money, no family, no health insurance, but most importantly no one that cares about me, but I refused to let those statistics determine my life. Instead, I set my own goals in life to continue to be successful, to stay employed, to show love to my family and friends, to live a happy life.

For many this can be like learning a whole new language which takes time and effort.

First. To start, examine the symptoms in your life. Fortunately, God is merciful. When our life is "out of tune" he gives us symptoms to show us that something is amiss and needs correction.

For instance, you may suffer continual physical symptoms. You may feel unfulfilled, or no longer feel close to your spouse and be lonely. You may argue a lot or withdraw and look to someone outside your marriage for affection. You may even be involved in an affair or fantasizing about one.

God is merciful. When our life is out of tune, he gives us symptoms.

There are endless symptoms that, if we will be honest, can show us that we have many repressed negative feelings that need to be resolved so we can feel and communicate our positive emotions.

Second. Realize that it takes considerable courage and honesty to acknowledge these feelings. Start practicing being honest about what you want. State clearly what that is and not what you think others want you to say. Then, little by little, start doing the same with what you are feeling.

Third. To bring back the wonder you had as a small child--one of life's richest emotions--take time to smell the roses. Plant a tree. Pick a flower, Take it to your loved one or give it to a friend. Write a poem. Listen to music that touches your heart. Draw or paint a pic-ture. Climb a mountain. Let your hair down. Do something a little crazy. Get out of your comfort zone. Have fun. Go see a funny movie. Laugh. Go see a sad movie. Cry.

Fourth. Slow down. Stop the mad world of busyness at least once a day to listen to your inner self, to read inspirational material such as the Psalms in the Bible and meditate on what you read.

Fifth. Take time to be with your spouse and children or close friends. Hug them often. Tell them that you love them. Take time to talk and even more time to listen to them. Encourage them to tell you what they are feeling. Listen with your heart. Give them your presence. And please, no advice!

Sixth. Join a good therapy, support, or twelve-step recovery group where it is safe to share your struggles and express your feelings. This is a great way to learn by others' example and by practicing yourself.

Seventh. If you feel closed down, you may need to get into counseling. Sharing feelings is something that is learned. If it wasn't learned in childhood, it needs to be learned now. We all need teachers for this.

Finally. Pray. Some years ago when my life was outwardly successful, inside I was feeling very empty. Because I had been hurt as a child I had built brick walls around my heart to stop feeling the pain.

Feeling words

Use these lists of words to help you try to get in touch with your own feelings. Also use this list as you listen for the feelings of others in your conversations. Try to identify what you are feeling and at the same time try to identify what the other person's feeling.

absorbed  altruistic  brotherly  congenial admired  amiable  caring  conscientious adorable  benevolent  charitable  considerate affected  benign  Christian  cooperative affectionate  big–hearted  compassionate cordial agreeable  honest  comforting  courteous dedicated  honorable  concerned  curious devoted  hospitable  neighborly  sweet easy–going  humane  nice  sympathetic empathetic  inquiring  obliging tender engrossed  inquisitive  open  thoughtful excited  interested  optimistic  tolerant fascinated  intrigued  patient truthful fair just  peaceful trustworthy  faithful  kind  pleasant  understanding forgiving  kind–hearted  polite unselfish friendly  kindly  reasonable  warm  generous  lenient  receptive warm–hearted genuine  good–natured  reliable  well–meaning giving  loving  respectful  wise good  mellow  responsible  helpful good–humored mild sensitive moral

Elation, Joy

airy exalted hilarious serene amused excellent humorous sparkling animated excited in high spirit spirited at ease exhilarated inspired splendid blissful exaltation jolly sunny buoyant fantastic jovial superb bright festive joyful terrific brilliant fine joyous thrilled calm fit jubilant tranquil cheerful free lighthearted tremendous comfortable frisky lively triumphant comical gay magnificent turned on complacent genial majestic vivacious contented glad marvelous witty convivial gleeful merry wonderful delighted glorious overjoyed easy ecstatic good peaceful enthusiastic elated grand playful happy elevated gratified pleasant proud enchanted great pleased satisfied

agog avid enthusiastic hot–headed anxious desirous fervent intense ardent earnest keen zealous

able durable influential sharp adequate dynamic intense skillful assured effective intrepid spirited audacious encouraged lion–hearted stable authoritative energetic macho stouthearted bold enterprising manly strong brave fearless mighty sure capable firm powerful dauntless competent forceful reassured tough confident gallant resolute virile courageous hardy robust well–equipped daring healthy secure determined dauntless self–confident important 

abandoned despised horrible pathetic alien despondent humiliated pitiful alienated destroyed ill at ease rebuked alone discarded in the dumps regretful annihilate disconsolate jilted reprimanded awful discontented joyless rotten battered discouraged kaput ruined below par disfavored left out run down blue disheartened loathed sans burned dismal lonely somber cast off done for lonesome sorrowful cheapened downcast lousy spiritless cheerless downhearted low stranded crestfallen downtrodden melancholy sulky crushed dreadful miserable sullen dark dreary mishandled tearful debased estranged mistreated terrible defeated excluded moody unhappy degraded flat moping unloved dejected forlorn mournful upset demolished forsaken obsolete valueless depressed frowning ostracized washed up desolate funeral out of sorts whipped despair gloomy overlooked woeful grim glum hated worthless heavy–hearted wrecked grieving burdened 

Distress, Hurt

aching disliked impatient skeptical afflicted displeased imprisoned speechless agonized dissatisfied injured strained anguished distrustful in pain stressed at the feet of disturbed lost suffering at the mercy of doubtful mournful suspicious awkward foolish nauseated swamped badgered futile offended the plaything of bewildered grief pained the puppet of blameworthy grieved pathetic tormented clumsy heartbroken perplexed touchy confused helpless puzzled tragic constrained hindered ridiculous ungainly crushed impaired sickened unlucky disgusted privation silly unpopular unsatisfied unsure victimized worried

afraid fainthearted jittery shy aghast fearful jumpy strained agitated fidgety menaced stressful alarmed frightened misgiving suspicious anxious hesitant nervous tense appalled high anxiety on edge terrified apprehensive horrified overwhelmed terror–stricken awed hysterical panicky threatened bashful ill at ease paranoid timid chicken in fear petrified timorous cowardly insecure quaking tremulous desperate intimidated restless uncomfortable dismayed jealous scared uneasy doubtful bullied shaky worrying dread embarrassed shocked yellow

abused diminished made light of ridiculed belittled discredited maligned roasted branded disdained minimized scoffed at carped at disgraced mocked scorned caviled at disparaged neglected shamed censured humiliated not taken seriously slammed criticized ignored overlooked slandered defamed jeered poked fun at slighted deflated lampooned pooh–poohed thought nothing of deprecated laughed at pulled to pieces underestimated spurned libeled put down underrated derided 

Doubtful

distrustful indecisive questioning unbelieving dubious misgiving skeptical uncertain hesitant perplexed suspicious incredulity 

Impotency, Inadequacy

anemic flimsy insecure unable broken fragile insufficient unarmed broken down frail lame uncertain chicken–hearted harmless maimed unfit cowardly helpless meek unimportant crippled impotent nerveless unqualified debilitated inadequate paralyzed unsound defective incapable powerless unsubstantiated deficient incompetent puny useless demoralized indefensible shaken vulnerable disabled ineffective shaky weak effeminate inefficient sickly weak–hearted exhausted inept small wimp exposed inferior strengthless rudderless feeble infirm trivial dead beat 

Anger, Hostility, Cruelty

aggravated cross hypercritical rebellious agitated cruel ill–tempered reckless aggressive deadly impatient resentful angry cool incensed revengeful annoyed corrosive inconsiderate rough antagonistic dictatorial indignant rude arrogant disagreeable inflamed ruthless austere discontented infuriated sadistic bad–tempered dogmatic inhuman savage belligerent enraged insensitive severe bigoted envious intolerable spiteful biting fierce intolerant stern bloodthirsty fuming irritated stormy blunt furious irate sulky boiling gruesome mad sullen bullying hard malicious unfeeling callous hard–hearted mean unfriendly cantankerous harsh murderous unmerciful cold–blooded hateful nasty unruly combative heartless obstinate vicious contrary hellish offended vindictive cranky hideous opposed violent critical hostile oppressive worked–up provoked prejudiced outraged wrathful poisonous piqued perturbed wrought–up

For each part of the day identify the following:

• What I was feeling.

• The stimulus for the feeling.

• What, if anything, I did as a result of this feeling.

• How others reacted to what I did.

o help you get in touch with your feelings you can do one or more of the following:

• Keep a daily feelings log.

• Keep a daily journal identifying what happened to you in the day and how it made you feel.

• Work on identifying the losses you experienced in your life and grieve the loss of them by using the strategies for handling losses in Tools for Handling Loss.

• Do anger workouts on an as needed basis and do the anger work strategies as identified in Tools for Anger Workout.

• Use effective listening and responding techniques in your communications with others so that you are able to express your feelings, listen to and understand the feelings of others, and respond to them to reflect this understanding. This work is more fully explained in Tools for Communications.

• Read books about others whose life histories are similar to yours and see how they express their feelings about their life experiences. Use these others' words as role models for your own emotional expression.

• Attend a weekly support group to experience the active identification of feelings in the giving and receiving of support. Use The SEA's Manual to help you and others to conduct your support program with a SEA's program emphasis.

The following are positive, rational, reality-based affirmations you may want to use in mirror work and journal writing in order to facilitate your ability to identify and express your feelings:

• It is healthy to feel your feelings.

• There is no such thing as a right or wrong feeling.

• All feelings are OK.

• It is OK to feel what I am feeling now.

• No one can take what I am currently feeling away from me.

• I have a right to feel my feelings.

• No one can judge me wrong for feeling the feelings I experience in my life.

• It is OK to have negative feelings and to identify and express them freely.

• I am feeling feelings every second of my waking hours.

• Identifying and expressing my feelings makes me a real and authentic human being.

• No one can deny me my feelings.

• No one can tell me how I should be feeling.

• No one has the right to make me feel bad or guilty for the feelings I am feeling.

• I am more alive and vigorous when I am in touch with my feelings.

• I have a right to have my feelings be visible, seen and heard by others.

• I will no longer hide my feelings and emotions from myself and the others in my life.

• I deserve to give and receive honest feedback about my feelings toward persons, places, things, and events in my life.

• I deserve to have my feelings listened to by others.

• I choose to feel my feelings be they positive or negative so that I cease being numb to my life.

• I have the right to experience the grief and mourning emotions which I will feel as I face the losses in my life.

• I will heal and grow as I become more in touch with my feelings.

• I will "grow down'' more as I open myself up to get in touch with my feelings

One of the highest and most important goals you can ever set for yourself is the goal of having peace of mind. Once you set this goal and work towards achieving it, you’ll be holding yourself to the standard of inner peace, and you’ll find that every decision you make will turn out to be the best decision. You’ll have more energy, enthusiasm, and become more creative. You’ll become a kinder, gentler, and a more loving person. When you set peace of mind as your standard, you’ll tap into a source of wisdom that will guide you without fail toward doing and saying the right things in every circumstance.

The most important things you can do to get in touch with your inner feelings is to practice quiet meditation on a daily basis. You should set aside 30 to 60 minutes each day for meditation. When you begin to practice meditation on a daily basis, you’ll begin to experience a flow of energy coming into your mind and body. You’ll have a tremendous sense of well-being, and a stream of ideas will flow through your mind. And, most importantly, you’ll get the answer to the most important situation facing you every single time you meditate.

Humans experience negative emotions. Under the right circumstances, negative emotions can teach us to deal more effectively with problems. When the emotions are ignored, however, they become larger and larger in order to get our conscious attention. They take up more of our thinking, they affect the level of energy we have to deal with problems, and they block positive emotions that attract success into our lives.

Understanding the source of negative emotions will help us confront them and then find ways to realistically replace them with positive ones. Understanding our negative emotions comes when we share them in a safe environment with people we trust. That is why it’s important to have a good psychologist or life process mentor as part of our network.

High energy is extremely important in becoming successful. Feelings are energy. Successful people create energy. We can feel it. We’ve all heard statements like, “You could just feel the energy in that room; was it ever exciting.”

What we typically describe as a desire for success is more specifically a desire for the positive feelings associated with reaching our goals. We all want confidence, joy, excitement, peace, security—and many other uplifting emotions that we associate with successful people.

We set goals because we know that achieving them will make us feel good about ourselves and the world. The feelings are first and foremost, not the goals. We will change a goal in a second if we think we can achieve another goal that will bring us the same feeling sooner. So what we really desire is positive emotion.

But trouble occurs when we can’t sort out the tangled web of emotions most of us have, and we can’t identify the specific positive feelings we want. This can happen when the emotions we want to hide from ourselves (often negative emotions) camouflage themselves among other emotions. It’s the kind of situation that leaves us feeling directionless or lost. Revealing those hidden emotions allows us to confront them.

Wellness Checklist

If you have bipolar disorder, a Wellness Checklist can help you care for yourself. Use this Wellness Checklist to keep track of the following:

For me, mania, has always presented a very different problem between God and me than the state of depression.  While depression makes me feel abandoned by God, mania has always made me feel like I didn’t need God. The grandiose feeling that mania brings, tricks us into believing we are capable, even better at, controlling our lives than God is and that others may need God but we are doing just fine without Him.  Even if we do believe that we need Him, we often feel His expectations are suffocating and tedious.

We don’t feel that we should be held accountable to God or anyone else.  I have found it difficult at times to slow my mind down enough to pray.  Why bother?  Somebody else will do it. God wants me to do what, stay faithful to my spouse?  He wants me to make a commitment to His Son and follow His ways?  I don’t know if I have time.

The key strategy that I’ve learned is how to talk to James when he is sick, either high or low. When he becomes ill he turns into a different person. I say goodbye to my husband, so to speak, and hello to bipolar James. In a depressive episode he becomes highly irritable and usually itches for a fight. Early on he will often make comments to bait me. “All I do is work, work, work, to support your lifestyle and your precious social group.” You can imagine what a red rag to a bull that comment is.

At this point I have 2 options:
1. Take the bait, have a messy fight and accelerate his downswing, or
2. Grit my teeth and say “it’s the illness speaking”. If I can do that then I have a much better chance of diffusing the situation. A comment like “You sound stressed about work - let’s talk” has better results and sometimes can even stop the mood swing.

Lately I’ve also been able to say “Let’s talk before you get stuck in a negative cycle of thinking.” This is huge progress for us. It usually results in a fairly sensible conversation.

I'd say, "This will pass. Hold onto yourself." My husband and I were in a long distance marriage while I finished graduate school so he could not be my voice of reason when I was in a dark place. He wanted to find a way for me to help myself when I was caught off-guard by mood changes. My husband asked me to write "IT WILL PASS" on a post-it note and put that note in a place where I will see it often. The note went to the corner of my computer screen.

Mood changes are like waves. When you're right in the middle of a big trough, you're caught up in the depths of the abyss. It can be very difficult to believe that things can get better. Sometimes you stay in the abyss for a long time. You may have to make a choice to hang onto yourself while you ride out the storm.

Belief with Attitude

"Once diagnosed, never undiagnosed. But once diagnosed, not always symptomatic."

We talked about this and my original diagnosis in 1989--that was eight psychiatrists ago--and how I think I never was anything more serious than perhaps a bipolar 2, but I was diagnosed in the days before bipolar 2 existed. We talked about bipolar disorder as a personality disorder and how that may be far more applicable to someone like me than the big old ugly diagnosis of bipolar disorder 1, manic-depressive and mentally ill. It became clear to me after a few minutes that there was no budging my doctor on his view of once-diagnosed, always-diagnosed. So I told him something.

"What's the point of treatment and going through years of agony and finally getting vastly better only to be told that there is no goal line I can possibly cross that will lead to me being undiagnosed?"

I support anyone whose medical doctor believes that anti-depressants can be helpful. I believe counseling, physical activity and community are also part of the response. Monitoring how medication is affecting the whole life of a person is necessary and ethical. Knowing the limitations of medication is, of course, wise as well.

I believe in the sovereign freedom of God to intervene, but I have little time for those who insist that God will intervene, move beyond regular medical treatment and heal mental and emotional illness on command. It is inappropriate and often abusive to condemn sick persons as sinful or resistant to God’s power to overthrow spiritual strongholds. Recognizing the reality of depression is a compassionate response that honors what it means to be truly human.

Many Christians are grateful for the help that has come through antidepressant medication, as well as the help that has come through other medications and insights into the complexities of human weakness. The church shouldn’t be a shill for psychology, but we ought to be a compassionate advocate of helping people with medicine, as well as praying for divine intervention.

Here are all six parts of the Mental Illness series so you can link them together. I’ve never done a series of this length before, and I enjoyed it. I hope to do some other series in the future.

I. Basic Questions
II. Is There Such A Thing As Mental Illness?
III. Is Mental Illness Demonic?
IV. Is There Mental Illness In The Bible?
V. The Church and the Mentally Ill
VI. What Does The Gospel Say?

This means I am accountable as a partner with my doctor(s) for my health, and given that I know I have risk factors (depression is one), I have a responsibility to monitor my own mental health so that I can recognize early warning signs before something more serious emerges.

This means I need to educate others around me, especially people close to me, so that they can help me detect abnormalities if I miss the signals.

My goal is to be well and stay well. When warranted, I make sure that the treatment decisions I make with my doctor is based on sound scientific evidence, and I make sure that I do my part in whatever non-medical (i.e. lifestyle) changes I need to make to get better.

Serenity prayer - full version

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

We always started off the first two sessions of beginner improv with “the rules.” Our instructor (director) compiled these rules. The rules are meant to be guidelines for us to get the most out of our experiences. If you are familiar with improv, you probably already know what some of these rules may be. There is a statement in rule number twelve that came from comedian Robin Williams’ mother:

“Your purpose in life is to experience intense joy.”

When we look around at our world, we can see how much God loves diversity.  We don’t look alike, we don’t act alike,we don’t dress alike.  We have different tastes in the food we eat, the books we read, and the music we enjoy.  We differ in how much we weigh, we differ in our heights and we differ in the color of our skin.

But there is on thing we all have in common:  We all know what it means to hurt.  We are all familiar with pain.  Suffering is a universal language.  Tears are the same for Jews, Muslims , Atheist, or Christians; whether you are white, black or brown; they are the same for children, adults or elderly.  When life hurts, while we may express our anguish in different ways, each one of us knows the sting of pain and heartache, tragedy and suffering.

And when we are faced with pain, there is one thing that helps us persevere through it…
When we are discouraged, there is one thing that lifts our spirits…
When we are tempted to quit, there is one thing that keeps us going…
When we are overworked and exhausted, there is one thing that gives us fresh energy…
When we are trapped in a tunnel of misery, there is only one thing that points to the light at the end of the tunnel…

And that one thing is HOPE.  Hope isn’t merely a nice option that helps us temporarily clear a hurdle.  Hope is essential to our survival.  We all need hope!  It is hope that helps us to pull through tragedies. 

Henri Nouwen was only six when he became convicted of his life's calling. He knew he should become a priest.

His life was a history of astounding and diverse accomplishments. After ordination in 1957 he taught psychology and theology for many years in demanding academic settings, including Notre Dame and Yale. Later he became a parish priest serving a congregation solely of mentally handicapped people. He successfully related Christ both to those who demand the most exacting intellectual argument and to those who are unable to relate to intellectual argument at all but can only respond to the gospel emotionally. He also authored books that are among our most loved Christian classics.

Just several years before he died at 65 in 1996, Nouwen claimed he had never suffered an identity crisis or vacillated in his conviction that he should be a priest responding to challenging ministry. He was always assured of his calling and comfortable with his role.

I wish I could have this degree of confidence about my plans for this Friday night! I've already changed my mind several times about what I should do.

Gifted souls like Nouwen do exist, who are able to resolve even the most far-reaching decisions with astonishing assurance and never doubt their own judgment. They seem to have a surrealistic capacity to put their hand to the plow and not look back.

Most of us cannot identify. We doubt our judgment on major and minor decisions alike. We know the pain of mood swings--of accepting a job with confidence, then several weeks later wondering if we've missed God's will.

I've only known a handful of people personally who have been able to march through life with the level of assurance Nouwen has enjoyed. That capacity for certainty is so unusual that I'm certain it's a divine endowment. Mood swings are the lot for most of us. We can take heart in knowing the experience is normal. It's not unusual to change our mind on matters ranging in significance from what toothpaste to buy to whom we should marry, nor to have second thoughts once these decisions are resolved. Most of us experience at least some shift of opinion and feelings on the decisions we make.

Fortunately, most of us are able to come to terms with the fact of mood swings. While we might wish our feelings were more consistent, we usually find it possible to move beyond our fluctuating judgment, make a decision and stick to it. For some, though, the problem is more serious. To say they are tortured by mood swings is not to state it too strongly.

I've counseled with some who have rethought a decision to marry so often that I've lost track of how many times they've changed their mind. One woman described the process to me simply as "hell." During a five-year relationship she often has felt mountaintop certainty about marrying her boyfriend, then despaired of her choice within a short period. Others I've known have vacillated similarly over decisions about career, church involvement or personal ministry. And buyer's remorse is not just an occasional moment of regret but a chronic tendency for some.

When mood swings reach this level, they contribute significantly to commitment fear and may even be its primarily source. They greatly hinder our ability to make sound decisions, keep commitments and realize our potential for Christ. At this point simply tipping our hat to the problem will not help. A serious effort is needed to break the cycle.

What Triggers Mood Swings?

Let's look at why mood swings can occur even when decisions have been carefully made. Five major factors influence them. Any or all of these may affect the mood changes we personally experience.

1. Family background. The influence of our family background upon our emotional tendencies and patterns of judgment is considerable. For one thing, we instinctively emulate the attitudes and behavior we observe in our parents--a process psychologists term "identification." Even if we recognize these patterns as self-defeating, we may absorb them anyway. Isaac followed his father's practice of lying about his relationship to his wife in order to protect himself, for instance, even though the tactic had proven unnecessary and humiliating for his father Abraham (Gen 12:11-20; 20:1-18; 26:7-11).

Parents who themselves are prone to chronic mood swings often pass the tendency on to their children. If either or both of our parents frequently wavered in their feelings about their spouse, their calling in life or other important matters, we may be inclined to respond similarly.

Just as significant is how we ourselves were treated. If my parents were highly critical of me, often belittling my opinions and decisions, I may find it difficult to trust my judgment as an adult. While it may seem convincing enough that I should take a certain step, the voice of my parents rings in my mind telling me I don't have the ability to decide wisely. Two strong influences are swaying my thinking--my logical conclusion about what to do and my instinctive belief that my judgment is always mistaken. The result of this tug of war is that I vacillate constantly between conviction and doubt.

An abusive or unsupportive family background may make me prone to mood swings in a different way. If I didn't receive the love I needed as I child, I may be uncomfortable being loved and affirmed as an adult. I may earnestly desire a romantic relationship. Yet when the opportunity comes along, I feel strangely ill at ease with the experience of being loved and accepted unconditionally. Such exuberant affection is unfamiliar, foreign to my comfort zone. Again the tug of war sets in: I long for the relationship at one time, feel smothered by it at another.

An unsupportive upbringing can have a similar effect on my attitude toward career and other major endeavors. If I was never affirmed for excelling in activities I enjoyed as a child, I may feel guilty pursuing work or options I'm motivated for as an adult. Again my feelings will likely fluctuate. One day I'm attracted to the idea of starting my own business, the next I'm unsettled by it.

We who experience chronic mood swings may be reverberating more than we realize to the impact of a difficult upbringing. While we can do much to change the patterns that have resulted, understanding their source is a vital first step toward healing.

2. Biological factors. In addition to our upbringing, a variety of other factors influence mood swings and may affect us even if our family background was healthy and supportive. Biological influences are especially potent.

It's shortly before midnight, and I feel as if I've discovered hidden treasure. I've finally resolved a difficult turn of thought in a chapter I'm writing and have the perfect solution. I'm thoroughly pleased with my idea, certain it will edify my readers and bless the ages to come.

Now it's 7:00 the next morning. I wake with a start, sit up in bed and shake my head in disbelief. "What a stupid idea," I muse. "How could I possibly have thought it would work? It will certainly confuse readers and take the book in the wrong direction."

I've been through this pattern so many times that it no longer surprises me, though it always frustrates me when it occurs. I'm a night person, not a morning person. My outlook is affected by a daily biological cycle that never fails. The result is that I wax optimistic in late evening, skeptical in early morning. The effect is strong enough that my opinion may change significantly during this brief period: an idea which seems brilliant at midnight seems misplaced when I wake up just seven hours later.

We each experience a daily flow of energy and fatigue which even on our best days is largely consistent. The pattern varies from person to person. My wife's cycle is the opposite of mine: Evie is ready to hibernate at bedtime and a head of steam when she wakes up. All of us have daily periods when our energy predictably peaks and times when it just as reliably sags. The impact on our moods and perceptions can be substantial.

Fatigue always has a dampening effect upon our outlook, by robbing us of the energy needed to support optimistic thinking. Anything which contributes to fatigue--sleep loss, illness, stress, overwork, delaying meals or skipping them--can induce a mood swing.

Although the emotional impact varies among women, some are strongly affected by the hormonal changes associated with the menstrual cycle. While men do not have a corresponding physical process which produces an emotional cycle, they typically experience a greater emotional letdown following sexual relations than women do.

Biological factors affect everyone's emotional state. Interestingly, many who suffer chronic mood swings are not subject to stronger biological influences than others but simply react to them more adversely. Some are not sufficiently aware of how their physical cycle affects their emotions and thus take their mood swings too seriously. Others do not believe it is appropriate to discount a change in judgment merely because a physical influence induced a mood swing. They assume that a conviction about what to do--especially one that's in God's will--must be consistent and not swayed by any human factors. They feel obligated to wait for perfect certainty before taking any major step.

We don't have to look beyond Scripture, however, to find many instances where a person's physical condition affected emotions and judgment. Examples include the most mature and spiritually enlightened people in the Bible.

Jesus himself became irritated when he encountered a fig tree with no fruit (Mk 11:12-14). His aggravation arose even though the tree was barren for a perfectly good reason: "it was not the season for figs." Mark notes a physical factor that influenced Jesus' emotions: "he was hungry."

Following the elation of his incomparable victory over 400 prophets of Baal and the restoration of rain to Israel, Elijah became suicidal upon receiving a veiled threat on his life from Queen Jezebel (1 Kings 19:1-8). Elijah had been stressed beyond all reasonable limits that day, through an extreme confrontation with the Baal prophets and a twenty-mile jog from Mt. Carmel to Jezreel.

Peter's repeated denial of Jesus to bystanders in the courtyard of the high priest's residence seems incomprehensible at first (Mt 22:69-75, Mk 14:66-72, Lk 22:55-62). He had passionately insisted, a short time earlier, that he would die with Jesus. He had zealously intervened with a sword when the soldiers came for Jesus. Yet Peter was undoubtedly depleted from the events of that day--observing Jesus' agony in Gethsemane, confronting the soldiers and adjusting to the reality that Jesus had been captured.

Such examples remind us that no one is above being influenced by the physical. We cannot expect to gain a superhuman resistance to biological influences on our outlook. We must take them into account in weighing the significance of mood swings in our important decisions.

3. Temperament. Personality classifications abound, and it's beyond our scope to look at any of them in detail. Several points about temperament are indisputable, though. We are each gifted with a distinctive personality from God which is with us for life--the effect of nature and not nurture within us. Each personality has its strong points as well as its vulnerable ones. It's clear, too, that certain personality types are more susceptible to mood swings than others.

One of these is the analytical temperament. We who are analytical by nature tend to scrutinize all sides of an issue. We rehash our assessments over and over. Our conclusions may fluctuate, depending upon which aspect of a matter we're focusing on. When our analytical tendency combines with other factors, such as our physical cycle, we may be subject to strong mood swings and shifts of judgment.

The sanguine temperament is also susceptible to mood swings, but for a different reason. Sanguine personalities are feeling-oriented. They are strongly affected by the outlooks of those around them and the influence of their surroundings. The effect can be continual vacillation in a decision. Martha is often confident about her intention to marry Andrew in the evening. She lives with her parents, who are both highly supportive of the relationship and eager for her to marry. During the day her conviction often crumbles. Her closest coworker disapproves of the relationship and is convinced Martha would be happier staying single.

Understanding your personality and its effect on your thinking can help you learn to respond to mood swings more appropriately. This is especially true when your personality by its nature makes you susceptible to them.

4. External influences. While sanguine individuals are more affected by these factors than most, we each are influenced by the people and circumstances in our life more than we usually realize. Our mood can be swayed by the weather, the attitude of the person we're talking with, the architecture of the building we're standing in or the associations we make with our surroundings.

Scripture abounds with examples of those whose mood and outlook were affected by their setting.

Saul, king of Israel, could become inordinately depressed by the burdens of his office, yet often was incited to faith and optimism by the influence of music (1 Sam 16:23).

David could be inspired to great reverence by the influence of godly people such as Nathan, but he was thrown into a moral tailspin when he caught sight of Bathsheba bathing from his vantage point on the palace roof (2 Sam 7, 11:2-4).

Peter broke sharply with his bias toward Gentiles following his rooftop vision and missionary experiences, yet was drawn back into the same prejudice through the influence of less enlightened Christians (Acts 10; Gal 2:11-13).

External influences often affect our own feelings and perceptions. Respecting them and making allowance for them is vital in breaking the unhealthy grip of mood swings.

5. God's peace is perfect--but the feeling isn't. A popular spiritual misconception also contributes to mood swings and makes it especially difficult for some Christians to put them in right perspective. It's the belief that if God is leading you to do something, you'll experience perfect peace. This is usually thought to mean that no fears or doubts will intrude. If you have any misgivings about taking a step, God is warning you not to go ahead. This assumption leaves many Christians stuck in the inertia of mood swings, unable to reach a conviction consistent enough to move forward.

While Scripture teaches that Christ gives peace to those who follow him, it never guarantees that we will feel peaceful before we take a step forward. God doesn't overrule our psychology. The peace he gives, rather, enables us to transcend our fears--to move ahead in spite of many hesitations. We may, in short, feel a mixture of peace and uncertainty at the same time, especially in the early stages of a major change. Many of us, too, are so constituted psychologically that we simply cannot feel peaceful in advance of a major step but only afterwards. Taking the step is vital to experiencing Christ's peace and opening ourselves to the full blessings of God.

Simply recognizing that perfect peace is not required to resolve an important decision can help enormously to break the spell of mood swings. This insight can make possible a greater experience of faith as well, for faith in the biblical understanding is the courage to move forward in spite of less than perfect certainty.

Changing the Pattern

Beyond revising the way we think about Christ's peace, a variety of other steps can help reduce the intensity and influence of mood swings. They include these:

1. Gain a good self-understanding. Take a careful look at your life, and identify the factors which most obviously prompt your mood swings. Make a special effort to understand your personality. Take a standard personality test, or seek counsel from someone qualified to help you identify your personality features. Pinpoint your physical cycles also. Are there predictable times when your energy surges or lags? Do your moods typically change at these times? Your convictions about decisions?

Give close consideration to your family background. Did your parents' example or behavior in some way render you susceptible to mood swings?

Determine, too, what external factors most strongly influence your outlook. Are you affected by weather changes? Others' attitudes? Features in your surroundings?

A good understanding of why we experience mood swings helps us in two important ways. This insight alone is therapeutic, for our confusion over why mood swings occur is part of what makes the experience so disconcerting. In addition, this understanding enables us to better control our mood swings and reactions to them. We are able to identify which influences we can change and which we have to simply accept. We are also able to weigh the significance of mood swings more clearly in working through decisions and are less likely to be thrown off guard by them.

2. Accept your personality and physical makeup. An unfortunate result of chronic mood swings is that the experience can demoralize us. We imagine something is terribly wrong with us: we're psychologically unstable or even mentally ill. We despise our personality and the factors which make us prone to emotional shifts. This self-disdain robs us of the motivation needed to change, for we imagine we're cursed with a condition we can do nothing to improve.

In reality, our personality and energy cycle have been given us by Christ for extraordinarily good purposes. They are exactly the features we need to carry out his best intentions for us. This doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to recognize the vulnerable side of our makeup and do what we can do counteract it. Stewardship requires that we manage our life as wisely as possible for Christ. Yet stewardship begins with accepting--even cherishing--our personality and energy pattern as God's gift.

Appreciating them as God's gift strengthens our faith in Christ, sometimes radically, for our confidence that he can be trusted with the details of our life is boosted. This leads to greater trust that he will enable us to confront the problem of mood swings successfully. We are more inclined to do what we can personally to reduce their impact--and to take steps of faith in spite of them.

3. Manage those influences you can control. We cannot change our personality and shouldn't want to. We will not be able to alter certain features of our biological cycle either. We can always do much, though, to reduce our inclination to mood swings.

If watching "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" causes me to despise the home and neighborhood I usually love, I should stop viewing that particular program. If dour weather dampens my spirits, improving my environment indoors may help. A man told me recently that he had broken a spell of depression simply by increasing the light in his home. (Recent studies of the effect of light on SAD--Seasonal Affective Disorder--corroborate his solution.). If certain people have a knack for belittling my judgment or deflating my optimism, I should look honestly at whether it is possible to avoid them altogether or at least to reduce my contact with them.

The influences we expose ourselves to can enhance good judgment or discourage it. This is the lesson of Psalm 73. The psalmist grew bitter observing certain successful but unscrupulous men who seemed to have an easy ride in life. He became despondent and "was a brute beast before" God (v. 22). His jealousy subsided when he entered the reverent atmosphere of the sanctuary and took time to think things through from God's perspective. He was able to appreciate the plight of the people he envied and to see his own position in life more optimistically. The psalm is a good reminder, too, of the benefit worship and positive church experiences can have in helping us maintain a faith-centered outlook.

Any steps we take to reduce fatigue also have a stabilizing effect on our emotions. Basic improvements, like getting enough sleep, eating properly, exercising and keeping stress within reasonable limits can make a considerable difference.

4. Look at your pattern of feelings over time. We who are subject to mood swings face our greatest challenge when it comes to resolving important decisions. It's here that we also have to take our most courageous steps. Our inclination to mood swings can derail our most cherished goals and cause us to pass over golden opportunities. The point comes for each of us--even in decisions as monumental as marriage and long-range career plans--where we need to move forward even though some wavering of conviction remains. Our best understanding of God's will at these times comes from considering our pattern of feelings over time.

Fred has been dating Gloria for over three years and has often felt confident they should marry. Yet each time he has reached this conviction, doubts have set in within days and a period of ambivalence has followed. Fred has been through this cycle over twenty times.

When Fred looks honestly at the factors influencing his thinking, he finds that he has usually become confident about marrying Gloria on weekends or holidays. These are times when he is well rested, away from the pressures of work and most able to think clearly about his future. Doubts have arisen when he is back at work and drawn into difficult assignments. Attractive women flirt with Fred on the job also, leaving him wondering if he's really ready to give up an active dating life for marriage.

Fred's conviction about marrying Gloria has come during times when he was most capable of good judgment. If he waits for perfect consistency of feelings, he'll not likely marry Gloria (or anyone for that matter). He would be wisest to follow his recurring conviction and decide to go ahead with marriage. Stability of emotions will more likely follow the step of marriage than precede it in this case.

We will each need to take a similar step of courage at major decision points if we're ever to break the bind of mood swings and realize our potential for Christ. Such a step is justified when, like Fred, our conviction about what to do has resurfaced frequently and has usually come during our periods of best judgment.

5. Pray earnestly for God's help. We who regard mood swings as a serious problem should be just as serious about praying for God's help. Christ expects us to bring our most daunting challenges before him frequently in earnest prayer. The fact that God is willing to respond positively to such prayer is one of the most blatant and persistent themes of Scripture. In the case of mood swings he helps us by strengthening our resolve, giving us success in our efforts to deal with them, bringing gifted people into our life to encourage and support us, and providing numerous serendipities as well.

Even Jesus needed to pray fervently for God's strength as he faced his ambivalence about going to the cross. We should make it a practice during our daily devotions to pray for God's help in responding to mood swings. We should ask both for greater consistency in our convictions and for grace to make wise decisions in spite of mood swings. And we should always ask for the courage needed to move beyond our confusion and take steps of faith. Following Jesus' example, we will also do well to occasionally set aside an extended time for praying for God's help. We should not regard such attention to prayer as merely catharsis but as one of the most critical steps we can take toward healing.

6. Don't be afraid to seek professional help. In confronting any personal struggle, the question always comes back to, "Do I need professional help?" If my inclination to mood swings is rooted in a difficult family background, it may be triggered by repressed anger and deep feelings of inferiority. In this case the help of a qualified counselor will be invaluable and may be essential in coming to terms with my past and working through conflicts. If my mood swings stem from a physical cycle I merely need to better understand and manage, or if they are inherent to my personality or the result of outside influences I can better control, I may be able to handle the problem on my own.

When mood swings are chronic, though, there's often a variety of factors producing them. I may need the help of a counselor or qualified friend in determining the causes and my best route toward healing.

If we're not certain whether we need outside counsel, we should err on the side of seeking it, at least initially, to determine whether we need further help or can manage the problem without it. Simply taking the step to get help is therapeutic, for it boosts our confidence that we can resolve an important decision in spite of mood  swings.

10 All Natural Ways to Stop Feeling Depressed

September 20th, 2007 by John Wesley Print This Post

HOW TO COPE
With An Unpleasant Feeling

Sometimes we feel good, and sometimes we feel bad. Both kinds of feelings are normal. Of course, we all enjoy good feelings. But when we don't like the way we are feeling, sometimes we don't know what to do about it. Here is a plan that will help you help yourself when your feelings are bothering you.

1. ACCEPT your feelings. Say to yourself: "I am sad." "I am frightened." "I am angry." "I am embarrassed." It's all right to have feelings.

2. RELAX and take "time out" before you act. Take slow deep breaths and relax all the muscles of your body. Pretend you are in a safe place.

3. THINK about ways to help yourself. Thinking helps you do something smart instead of harming yourself or making things worse.

4. DO something to help yourself. Maybe it would help to talk to someone, or to do something you enjoy. If it doesn't work, go back to step 3.

 

* The above material is borrowed from the book "Dealing With Feelings," by Dr. Eric Dlugokinski. Published by Feelings Factory, Inc., Raleigh, NC. Reprinted by permission of author.

1. everything changes and ends
2. things do not always go according to plan
3. life is not always fair
4. pain is part of life
5. people are not loving and loyal all the time

How to Stay Mentally Vibrant

In his book, Practicing Greatness, Reggie McNeal discusses how great leaders need to stay very sharp mentally. Reggie gives us several ways that we can keep our brain chemistry healthy. Some are simple. Others take a little more effort:

• Adequate sleep (a sleep-hungry brain is subject to fuzzy thinking and poor judgment)

• Proper Diet (especially a good amount of protein)

• Moderate your use of alcohol, caffeine, nicotine (don’t use these to ‘medicate your anxiety’

• Adequate exercise (helps physically, but also mentally)

• Daily doses of positive human contact (leaders who are connected are keeping their brains ‘wired’)

• Mental recreation (It helps from making your thoughts dull and tired)

• Muse time (time to ponder, noodle, reflect)

This section discusses how you can bring your own feelings into conversations. Some people don’t have difficulty talking about their feelings. However, most people are not used to doing this and can feel awkward. Normally, this is not a problem. But when something serious happens, most people find that they do want to talk about how they feel, but because they are not used to it, they feel uncomfortable. This is normal!

If you (or your listeners) have strong emotions and you do not talk about them, you won’t be able to talk about any subject easily. An emotion that nobody admits to has an effect on all conversation. So if you or your listener are feeling angry or embarrassed or very sad, your conversation will feel very difficult until one of you talks about the feeling.

If you don’t accept that the feeling exists, you will not be able to concentrate on the conversation and you will not be listening. The moment one of you mentions the emotion: ‘I’m sorry I seem in such a bad mood today, but I’ve just been told that...’ you will suddenly find that the communication gets much easier.

So, here are some useful guidelines:

• Always try to acknowledge and accept any strong emotion – whether it’s your own or your listener’s.
• Always try to describe your feelings and not simply act on them  Think of the difference here: If you say, ‘I’m feeling really angry today because...’ this can start a conversation. But, if you show your anger by being rude, it can stop the conversation instead.
• You are entitled to feel any way you like!  The way you feel is the way you feel – emotions are not right or wrong. It is only if you try to cover up any strong feeling that problems can become more difficult to solve.
• Don’t be afraid to tell the other person how much they mean to you  In our daily lives we don’t often do this. But when there is a crisis, it’s really worthwhile to tell the other person how you feel about them.
  l  Don’t be afraid to say you are unsure  If you don’t know how you feel, or if you don’t know what is going to happen or how you are going to cope, it is fine to say so.
• Words are not always needed  Holding someone’s hand, or hugging them or simply sitting together in silence can often mean as much, or more, than words.
• Everybody has some regrets in their life  Don’t feel that you are not allowed to talk about any regrets you feel. More than any other emotion, regret can be reduced when it is shared. This may even strengthen the bond between you and others.

Meet David Eckman, Ph.D.

David enjoys people and has a heart for the person in pain.  He is convinced that understanding God’s ways is pivotal for the healthy emotional life of the Christian.  He has sixteen years of pastoral experience, followed by ten years as Dean for Western Seminary.  As Dean, David was responsible for the two Western Seminary campuses in Northern California.  Under his leadership, the campuses grew 27% a year.  It was during this time period that creative programs were developed for the transformation of seminarians.  These programs formed the basis of BWGI Ministries (formerly Kesed Seminars).

Presently, David is the co-founder and senior lecturer for BWGI Ministries, a non-profit organization dedicated to introducing people to God’s loyal love.  The organization's original name, 'Kesed,' comes from the Hebrew word for 'loyal love.'  BWGI Ministries is a seminar and training team that works with Campus Crusade, churches, denominations, schools, and other parachurch organizations to bring spiritual transformation to their constituencies.

David has spent over 25 years in Biblical research.  He is an instructor in the disciplines of spiritual life formation, and he has spent countless hours counseling and discipling individuals.  The result is a uniquely gifted individual who effectively communicates God’s truths to a hurting world.

Fear is one of the major hurdles that all of us must pass. Whenever we have to make a decision or take action, it is our own fears and doubts that stand in our way. Even our daily life is affected by the endless doubts that we have on everything around us. Sheesh! How stressful they are!

Today we’ll look at a few solutions to this nagging little feeling that stops us from living out our best. It’s very true that chucking fear out of your life will widen your world and give new experiences that you never imagined. I personally follow these strategies and I’m grateful that I learned them early. I’ve been at peace with myself ever since.

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Fighting Fear:

How to Chuck Fear Out of Your Life

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Face your fears. Though it’s quite natural to panic when we’re afraid or doubtful of something, it’s better if you could just pause and weigh the issue before thinking of running away. Facing your fears will give you a lot of clarity.

Most of them don’t happen. Practically, most of our fears just have a very remote possibility of happening. Why have so many doubts when only a handful of things will go wrong in your life? Come on, we cannot afford to be that negative!

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened - Mark Twain

Life is always repairable. There were times when I totally screwed up and feared that my life was over. But I figure my way out after a while…everytime! Remember that you can always mend the wrongs that happened because of your actions, except on very rare occasions. Please don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you’ll ruin your future. Even if things go wrong, life is always repairable.

Run towards your fears. Practice doing the very things that you fear doing. After a while you’ll learn that you’re no longer afraid of them. You can have a truly adventurous life if you fight your fears and banish them.

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Questions you need to ask yourself

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Why am I afraid? Gives Clarity.

How probable is the worst case scenario? Reminds you that most fears don’t happen in reality.

How can I mend my life if the worst actually happens? You are never ‘finished’ until you’re dead.

If this is the last day of my life, would I still be afraid of this? The Steve Jobs question :)

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Bottom line

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Here’s the big idea: Use fear to grow into a better person. Fear is not always a negative thing. It’s just a challenge for you to grasp and grow. Your doubts come in your way so that you’ll learn a thing or two while chucking them out.

When you learn to banish your fears and doubts,

• You think and achieve big
• You’re more comfortable with yourself and happy
• You explore new grounds and expand your circles.

So chuck fear out of your life right away! And be blessed! :)

De-stressing Idea Number 6: Eat quality food, not junk

This is such a tough one. When the work/life balance gets tough, the tough end up reaching for the chocolate. With a bit more organisation however, it isn’t an impossible task to have healthier foods to eat.

Dietary reductions you can make to help your body cope with stress include reducing or eliminating your caffeine intake — including the caffeine found in sodas, cola, energy drinks and chocolate. Caffeine is a stimulant that can make your body as tense as it would be if under stress and elevate your heart rate and blood pressure. Over-indulging in alcohol will make you feel relaxed at the time, but eventually produce the opposite effect. It can also affect any medications you are taking. High fat and high sugar foods — typical in ‘comfort eating’ — contribute little to your body’s nutritional requirements, so it’s vital that you are aware of what you eat, how much you eat, and when you eat it.

What does your body need to combat stress and ill-health?

• Healthy proteins such as lean meat, fish, chicken, soy, nuts and seeds. You need healthy protein sources like lean meats, fish, poultry, soy, nuts and seeds;
• At least five to nine servings of vegetables and fruits each day.
• Fibre found in whole grain breads, cereals and pastas. Processed white flours have far less fibre in them and should be avoided where possible;
• Three serving of dairy foods per day such as cheese, yoghurt and milk;
• A small amount of healthy fats every day from nuts, seeds and oils such as olive oil.
• Medical experts also recommend taking vitamin B, calcium, magnesium and vitamin C supplements, if your diet is not up to scratch. They are all available at your local supermarket.

De-stressing Idea Number 7: Meditate

Meditation is widely recommended as a stress management technique.

Putting the worries of your mind to one side and just ‘being’ is the key to meditation, which is widely recommended as a stress management technique.

Meditation involves sitting in a relaxed position and clearing your mind. You may focus on a sound or mantra, like ‘Ohmm’ or ‘Am Sahhh’, or on your own breathing. Ideally you should have 20 or more minutes in silence and privacy to meditate, but 20 second ‘spot medications’ involving three long, deep breaths or five minutes can still benefit you.

People who meditate regularly find it easier and quicker to de-stress when things get too crazy at work or at home. Even if meditation is new to you, you can always help yourself feel less stress by focusing on the physical sensations in your body and concentrating on slowing your breathing right down.

Meditation is also useful in helping you ‘be in the now’ with everyday activities. Slowing down as you eat and savoring the taste of your dinner; giving your full concentration to your favourite music; doing yoga; or just sitting in a park and taking in the sights of nature around you, go a long way to clearing your mind and distancing yourself from niggling anxieties. Studies have shown that meditation slows down your heart rate and breathing, lowers your blood pressure and helps increase your immune functions.

De-stressing Idea Number 8: Cardio your cares away

Cardio-vascular exercise can provide a surge of positive energy to improve your mood and keep you healthy.

You have no doubt read about the ‘runner’s high’, but there are other ways to achieve that endorphin rush and reduce your stress levels. Participating in cardio-vascular exercise — making your heart pump faster lungs work harder — can provide a surge of positive energy that will improve your mood and keep you healthy.

Cardio workouts can include dancing, active participation in team sports, high impact work-outs, biking and power-walking. This kind of exercise provides several good ways of relieving stress, including:

• Releasing frustrations: Your stress levels can increase and fester when the annoyances and irritations you feel at work and home build up. High energy forms of exercise such as karate, weight training, aerobics and boxing can help you release these negative emotions and channel them into your workout.
• Harmonising your hormones: Regular cardio exercises help reduce the so-called ‘stress hormones’ like cortisol and increase the release of endorphins (the hormones that cause the ‘runner’s high’). Furthermore, the feel-good factor you enjoy after your workout can help you cope with your responsibilities at home (if your work out occurs after work) or for the rest of the working day (if you’ve exercised first thing in the morning).
• Helping you look good: Let’s face it, most of us do exercise because we want to look good. The added bonus is that will also make us feel better and healthier. Your skin will glow, you’ll have more strength and endurance and your clothes will fit better and be more flattering on you. All these changes will boost your confidence and self-esteem.
• Fitter friendships: Often exercise and physical activity involves other people participating with you, so you can enjoy the benefits of even more stress relief through exercise and having fun with your friends. If you’re attending a dance class together, working out in the gym or part of a basketball team, having others exercise with you can motivate you to try harder, to stay committed and look forward to each workout session.

Work/Life balance is more than a buzzword, it’s a way of life. The word ‘balance’ doesn’t necessarily mean an even divide between work and life; instead, ‘balance’ means successfully managing all the responsibilities you have in all areas of your life.

Despite all the technology and labour saving devices that we have, and our parents and grandparents lacked, we work longer hours and have more time poverty than any other era in history. We also struggling with ways to find ‘quality’ time for ourselves and our families among the never-ending chores: work demands, commuting, home, kids and social and community commitments.

The failure many experience in achieving any real work/life balance means that family life can suffer and so can your physical, emotional and mental health. The huge increases in illnesses such as chronic back ache, clinical depression, heart disease, blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and obesity, are all indicators that our current work/life balance is way out of whack.

That’s why I’m presenting a series of ten ways to reduce some of the key contributors to stress: to help you in your quest for a better work/life balance.

De-stressing Idea Number 1: Take pride in your imperfections

By aiming for the impossible you’ll miss out on experiences with your family and friends.

If you continue believing that you’ll be the best worker, best partner, best parent, best friend, best community contributor or the best boss you’ll end up exhausted and irritable. By aiming for the impossible you’ll miss out on experiences with your family and friends. Many people are often so busy crossing things off their ‘to do’ lists that they forget to look up, see what’s important to them and just appreciate life. Just ‘be’.

Rejecting the quest for perfection will give you a break. Just do the best you can. Even world-class athletes who don’t win a race but beat their ‘personal best’ are thrilled with the result: it’s the best they’ve ever done.

The same goes for a relatively happy family with a drawer full of clean underwear. Or someone at work with a job well done and a desk that isn’t too covered with notes of tasks yet to be finished.

Remind yourself that the media ideals of ‘perfection’ we see are either the product of advertising agencies’ imaginations — or wealthy celebrities who have a small army of cleaners, nannies and personal assistants at their beck and call.

You’re imperfect. Get used to it and you’ll set aside a burden you don’t need to carry.

De-stressing Idea Number 2: Say “No” more often

Saying that tiny, two-letter word more often will be one of the biggest steps you take to reduce your stress levels.

Learning to say “No” can be difficult. You don’t want to appear to be uncooperative or the ‘bad guy’ — but on the other hand you don’t want to feel like the pushover who always gets over-worked and taken for granted. Saying that tiny, two-letter word more often will be one of the biggest steps you take to reduce your stress levels. Here’s why:

• it gives you time for things that are more important;
• you make others aware of what tasks and responsibilities you have already got on your plate; and
• you have control over how many additional favours or jobs you are prepared to accept.

Always say “no” firmly and politely. This lets your requestor know that, even though you are sympathetic to their request, you will not easily change your mind if pressured. A simple (and true!) sentence like, “I just can’t fit it into my working hours/diary/schedule/timeframe” is an appropriate answer. If the requestor is your boss, you can respond with “I’ll show you my schedule and we can decide what other task needs to be dropped instead.”

Your ‘no’ can be softened by providing alternatives such as: “I know that Jack was working on a similar document and he might be able to help you,” or “You could try phoning . . .” This will show people you’re still trying to help, despite the ‘no’.

Ultimately, it’s important to remember that, even if you can squeeze something else into your work day, if it’s not as crucial as the things you have to give up to do it (including going home at a decent time and relaxing), then the answer is still no: You don’t have time and can’t do it.

De-stressing Idea Number 3: Take time out

As your work load and responsibilities increase and your free time is filled with house work, childcare and chores, finding ‘me time’ can feel like an impossibility. You are interrupted all the time through reacting to the needs of others; your brain still buzzes with unfinished business that affects your sleep and you run the risk of exhaustion, which in turn repeats the cycle by increasing the output of stress hormones.

Your time out must be spent doing something you enjoy.

Your time out — maybe just half an hour per day — must be spent doing something you enjoy. My friend Jill likes to read a magazine; Dean likes to do a work-out; Kent goes for a bike ride; and Sonia weeds her yard by the coast.

‘Me’ time can also be . . . nothing. For me sometimes, it is a big chunk of quiet. It is not that I don’t enjoy my work and I love being with my family, but I recognise the need to unplug the mobile phone, keep the TV turned off and just go outside and sit in the garden. On the other ‘me side’ hand, I also love spending time with my friends doing something relatively simple like going out for a movie or coffee — anything that isn’t related to work or responsibilities or sensible ‘to do’ lists.

De-stressing Idea Number 4: Laugh more

It could be a funny picture, a classic sitcom or a good joke told well, but having a heart laugh each day releases endorphins which can reduce certain stress hormones. And while laughter is said to be contagious, it actually improves your immune system rather than decreasing it. In addition to the release of health-improving hormones, having a laugh provides a physical and emotional release.

A good belly laugh can give you a mini workout for your insides.

A good belly laugh can give you a mini workout for your insides. Laughing exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abdominal muscles and even works out the shoulders and the heart, leaving muscles more relaxed.

Haven’t you ever thought, “If I don’t laugh about this, I’ll cry?” On an emotional level, laughter can shift your focus away from anger, guilt, stress and negative emotions by giving you a more light-hearted perspective. Laughing elevates your mood so that you can view setbacks and stress as challenges instead of problems. Laughter is also good for your social connections. Because it’s contagious, it helps others around you laugh too, elevating their mood.

De-stressing Idea Number 5: Rediscover romance

Experts say romance has a positive effect on reducing stress.

You know that a spot of night time ‘nookie’ can strengthen the bonds of your relationship. Experts are now saying that it has a positive effect on reducing stress as well. Still, there’s a lot more to romance and living happily ever after than sexual gymnastics.

Here are a few other things to bring romance back into your life:

Say “Thank You.” Take one minute every day to find at least one thing you want to thank your partner for, no matter how small.
Have breakfast together. It may only be ten minutes; it may involve setting the alarm ten minutes earlier so that you can sit together before the kids wake up; but having a coffee and talking quietly is still quality time.
Meet up for lunch. More and more couples are finding time to spend together during the work day. Try making a lunch date at a place that’s convenient for you both to get to, or meet up straight after work for a drink and a quick meal. For some people it’s the only time they get to see their loved one in their smart work clothes!
Use technology. It takes less than a minute to type out a couple of sentences to your partner (keeping things clean and safe for work, of course) and is an effective way of telling someone how much you love them; how much you appreciated their cooking dinner last night; whatever. SMS can do the same.
Hold TV-free evenings. Turn the telly off tonight. Read together; listen to music, talk. Don’t do any chores, just ‘be’ together. Even one hour together without any other distractions is time to have a decent conversation, a cuddle — or even hit the hay a little earlier to revitalize your sex life.
Go on home dates. These are increasing in popularity as people have mortgages, can’t afford babysitting or don’t have a relative nearby to help out. Wait until the kids are in bed and then have a picnic indoors: get your favourite nibbles — smoked salmon, brie, champagne, strawberries — and share them together.

Why People Change

Imagine you were told as a child that your purpose in life is to experience intense joy.

What choices would you have made as you were growing up?
What career would you have chosen?
What adventures would you have embarked upon?
What experiences would you have embraced?

I have good news for you. You don’t have to wait or wonder “what if.”

Your purpose in life is to experience intense joy.
Find out what gets you there.
Take a step closer to it.
Go to it.
Go do it.

Research has continually shown that motivation is the most important single factor for success in most human endeavors.  That is especially true for success in college.  If your motivation is low, you can change it. If you are the kind of person who has habitually low motivation, you can change that aspect of your personality.  

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ADVICE 
If you are someone who lacks motivation, you can change, but it will take some time and motivation--the very thing you may lack.  To overcome this problem, try taking little steps that don't require a great deal of motivation such as making an appointment with a counselor (see below) or just exploring related topics on suggested by this web site for a start.

In very general terms, educational psychologists point to three major sources of motivation in learning (Fisher, 1990).  Simply put, these are: 

1        The learner’s natural interest:  intrinsic satisfaction

2        The teacher/institution/employment: extrinsic reward

3         Success in the task: combining satisfaction and reward 

Moving from a sedentary lifestyle to an active one takes little more than a comfortable pair of walking shoes and consistency. Following this easy walking program, better health and a more positive mental outlook are only a step away. Starting now, put your foot down and start walking toward a more healthy life.

** Remember to consult your doctor regularly before and throughout this program. **

** Always warm up and cool down gradually and include some strength training in your program. **

Tips for choosing the healthier energy bar:

• Try to avoid bars with palm kernel oil or partially-hydrogenated fat in the first five ingredients on the label. Limit saturated fat to 3 grams or less per bar and no trans fat.
• For weight control, choose a bar with at least 3 grams of fiber.
• Women may want to choose a bar that contains at least 300 mg of calcium per serving to help meet their daily calcium needs.
• Sugar should not be more than half the grams of carbohydrates in the bar and try not to select a bar with high fructose corn syrup, glucose, or fructose as the first ingredient.

When you fix roast, ham or turkey for dinner, freeze the leftovers and defrost later for lunches.

Instead of cheese or mayonnaise, add zest to your sandwiches by adding veggies such as peppers, cucumbers, celery, or chopped fruit such as peaches or apples.

Put sandwich trimmings such as lettuce, tomatoes and pickles in a separate container to keep your sandwich from turning soggy.

Bring pop-top cans of chicken or tuna, and pick up a favorite whole-grain loaf of bread or bagel on your way to the office.

Vary your diet. For example, don't get in a rut by packing a banana each day for your snack. You'll be missing out on nutrients that other fruits offer.

Pack plain nonfat or low-fat yogurt and blend in unsweetened fruit or all-fruit jam for sweetness.

It's easy to put together a quick, healthy breakfast--even one you can munch in the car on the way to work if you're really on the run. Try these under-300-calorie combinations from registered dietitian Georgia Kostas, M.P.H. She is the author of The Balancing Act Nutrition and Weight Guide and The Guilt-free Comfort Food Cookbook.

Banana Peanut Butter Combo
Mix one banana with one tablespoon peanut butter and spread on 2 slices of reduced calorie wholewheat bread

An Apple (to Start) a Day
Polish off one crisp apple, one ounce mozzarella cheese and 4 wholewheat crackers for a wake-me-up.

Laughing Pair
Laugh it up with one small pear, one ounce reduced-fat Laughing Cow cheese, and one cup mixed dry Chex cereal (mix your own: rice, wheat, corn, bran Chex with pretzels and shredded wheat).

English Apple
One small apple goes great with either a wholewheat English muffin or a bagel plus either one ounce reduced-fat Laughing Cow cheese or one individually-wrapped mozzarella cheese log

Grape Sandwich
Put one ounce lean ham and one ounce low fat cheese (such as Weight Watcher's slice or Laughing Cow reduced-fat wedge) between 2 slices reduced calorie wholewheat bread and enjoy with a cupful of juicy grapes.

Omelet Orange
If you prefer egg, OK. Blend one egg (or egg substitute) with 1/4 cup low-fat cottage cheese and saute until set, using nonstick spray in your frying pan. With one slice wholewheat toast and an orange, you're still at 260 calories and 7 grams of fat.